The Paua Palace

My royal blog, life, opinions and me, it’s all about ME.. Right?

Cranial Rectal Inversion Syndrome

Posted by pauaprincess on February 8, 2007

Have you come across a sufferer lately?  I’ve experienced a number of them in the past week alone. 

Here is an example

Remember my friend the Ugly American of a few posts ago?  Well, the UA not only tells us that America’s form of governance and democracy is the best in the world, the only one that guarantees freedom but the UA tells us if not for America we’d all be speaking German now.  Yep Hitler was poised across the channel to invade Britain till the American’s came along on their white horses and whupped them for us all.  When it’s pointed out that the Battle of Britain was won prior to America joining the 2nd World War and that America joined only after they were attacked by the Japanese at Pearl Harbour, that the Japanese attacked because of the blockade imposed by America to halt Japan’s invasion of China and that America never declared war on Germany, Germany declared war on them, that MacArthur and his forces were kicked out of the Phillipines and that British, Canadian, Australian and New Zealand forces amongst others, helped them push the Japanese back to Japan, after we helped reclaim Europe from the Germans, therefore the combined allied effort prevented all of us speaking either German or Japanese, the UA dismisses it as FANTASY.  Classic case of Cranial Rectal Inversion Syndrome.  We are all jealous nutbars living in a fantasy world because the truth of the matter is America and Americans saved us, while we sat around wringing our hands and waiting for a miracle, which arrived in the form of ….. you guessed it, America.

Another recent example; the motorway exit I use has a pedestrian crossing on it, now the bright as roading manager who put a pedestrian crossing at a point where vehicles are slowing from 100 kph to 50 kph suffers from the disease but the two males in this tale suffer from it more.  I am behind a guy in a khaki green 4 WD (thats an SUV for those who don’t know Kiwi) he’s going pretty quickly and I see a guy on a multi gears bike crossing the road (riding it not walking as per the road rules) on the nearby road we are about to merge onto.  Guy on the bike rides onto the island that seperates the offramp from the road and straight out onto the ped crossing, his cranium is so far up there he figures 4WD guy is going to stop, because after all bike guy has the invincible protection of the ped crossing and nobody ever got killed crossing on the zebra crossing right? MMMMM, so 4WD guy lacks my foresight, his head is pretty far up there too, he keeps going at speed  cos nobody ever rode out on a ped crossing in front of a vehicle right? Nobody is that dumb and he knows bike guy is going to stop just like bike guy knows 4WD guy is going to stop!  Laws of physics apply here, these ppl are about to intersect and they do, brakes screech and if I’d been suffering from the syndrome, I would have rear ended the 4WD, lucky I saw it coming.  So the 4WD clipped the bike, bike guy has come to a screeching halt, nobody is injured and there isn’t much damage, but they stand there and yell at each other, swearing a blue streak for a full 5 minutes, each blaming the other  and all because they are fellow sufferers of the same syndrome…. perhaps that’s their version of a support group?

There’s been more, I seem to be attracting idiots this week, it must be my turn to bear witness to previously unknown depths of idiocy, laid bare for the world to see.  There was the female sufferer who decided to make a lane change into the space my vehicle was currently occupying, she kept coming even after she heard me frantically tooting my horn, I know cos she looked right at me, now if I suffered from the syndrome, a quick calculation would have told me that she was in a two door hatch back and I was driving a v6 holden, lots stronger and it’s old, the insurance money would have been worth it, but no I took evasive action, hitting the picks and swinging right to avoid her hitting me. 

There was the massive bunch of them, packed like sardines in a hatchback off to some concert to which a million others were walking, who, while I sat in the queue to get through the lights observing them, held up traffic while they patiently watched a tow wagon remove an illegally parked car, as soon as the towie took off with the car, they parked in the illegal space left behind…doh. 

It’s not all on the road either, we had a diver fail to surface, which resulted in a full search and rescue op the other day as I was finishing work.  Next morning his body surfaced.  In the afternoon, the boss who’d been at work the previous day came in for his shift, he asked how the day was progressing.  Out of interest I told him the diver had been located first thing in the morning as we came on duty, the boss asked if he was alive.  Moved to sarcasm I replied yeah, we called the folks from Guiness right away he’s got the record for holding his breath, 20 hours!  I guess I am lucky my boss has a sense of humour!

Ka kite


11 Responses to “Cranial Rectal Inversion Syndrome”

  1. bee said

    hey, the world need americans for entertainment. give us some credit. :-))

  2. Lol written the day your blood pressure rose over our friend.

  3. Dish said

    They say that history is written by the winners. That’s why bad guys never win wars. When I was in high school in the 80’s we didn’t cover the Vietnam War because it was classified as a police action and our teacher would only be covering ‘real’ wars.

    Americans are victims of their own enviroment. I never realized how whitewashed the USA news was untill I started posting on a certain message board. I’m still learning, but I think I’ve got my cranium at least halfway out at this time. Ouch! Whoever said change is painful wasn’t kidding!

  4. While it’s true history is written by the victors, there’s always going to be a barrier to learning the truth. I think today or rather since Vietnam, we get a better view of the entire picture. Trouble is in the USA since Vietnam they’ve gone back to turning what is happening into what is palatable. To find out more you have to work a lot harder than some of us out in the rest of the world do.

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