The Paua Palace

My royal blog, life, opinions and me, it’s all about ME.. Right?

A life lesson from a friend

Posted by pauaprincess on June 29, 2007

One of the strongest, bravest, warmest and funniest people I know is my friend  Pukekochic,  I first met her some years ago at work, she was on the team that followed us on the roster.  We always got along, I found her hilariously funny and it didn’t surprise me one iota that she’d been a finalist in a comedy festival.  Pukekochic can make the most boring times fun. 

Two years ago, on the 7th of July, tragedy struck.  The terrorist bombings in London took Shelley her daughter, or to be more precise, the terrorist suicide bombers killed her, they didn’t know her, she was a person on the Tube, but they killed her anyway.  Pukekochic flew to London, amidst the rabid media who wanted to interview the parents of the only Kiwi killed that day, she and her family with the utmost dignity and love, performed the most sorrowful duties a parent, sibling and partner ever have to perform. 

For her workmates including myself, it was shocking, terrifying and infinitely sad.  Terrorist bombs kill strangers, people in far off lands who we have no real association with, no connection.  We couldn’t even begin to fathom how it felt to lose someone so dear, for some strangers cause.  We were angry, sad, disgusted and we realised how protected we felt due to our geographical isolation and how foolish were were to feel that way.

Upon her return, Pukekochic eased back into work.  She shared her feelings: her sadness, anger, confusion, her desire to know and the not wanting to hear despite wanting to know, of Shelley’s last moments. She shared the love she felt from all of Shelly’s friends who she maintained contact with.  She wrote a book of poems, her way of dealing with her feelings as she worked through on a daily basis that first year following Shelley’s death.  Throughout her personal turmoil, she was still the same warm, funny person we’d always known her to be, the person we’d always loved.  On the first anniversary of the bombing, she returned to London to take part in the rememberence and to see a bench dedicated to her daughter in Russell Square.

Now as we approach the 2nd anniversary of that terrible day, my thoughts drift to Pukekochic and her family, the other victims and the bombers themselves.  I find it impossible to understand how anyone can think that it’s admirable or even ok to indiscriminately take the lives of innocent people going about their business in the name of a cause.  What does it say? That these people put no value on life? Theirs or anyone elses.  What did it achieve?  What was it meant to achieve? I for one have no idea.  Yet, I hate to think of all those lives as wasted or cut short for no reason.

As a mother, I am terrified to think that something may happen to my children, yet I know I am human and despite my desire to protect them from all things bad and dangerous, I can’t.  My friend has shown me, despite the pain, the gut wrenching gamut of emotion, it is possible to remain behind without becoming a hard, angry and bitter person. 

The lesson I’ve learned is invaluable, if as the saying goes, we are the sum of our experiences, I can only hope and aim to ensure, that my experiences leave me as warm and loving, with as good an outlook as she has.  I know she has her times, she’s told me as much, but essentially, she remains by my experience to be the best kind of person she can be.

My thoughts are with her, as they always are and always will be.  Thank you K, for teaching me, for sharing and for being my friend.  I’m honoured to know you.

To all those who lost someone or were affected by that day in July, rest assured you are not forgotten and never will be.



One Response to “A life lesson from a friend”

  1. KG said

    My dear friend,

    Thank you for your beautiful words. I am truly humbled and honoured. My family and I couldn’t have managed to get through Shelley’s murder without our wonderful family, friends and colleagues.

    I usually manage to keep the tears at bay but your writing has set me off, tears flowing.

    We are truly blessed with the wonderful people in our lives, which makes our path more bearable.

    Thank you my friend.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: